Dear Grandmother, I am sooo sorry that I mistook your Christmas gift for my chew-toy Christmas gift, but I just couldn't help it because those thingies smelt so good. I sampled the jade, spiced pear and milk thistle; the ginger melon; the mandarin plum, tamarind apricot and citrus tart; the cranberry balsam, 'tis the season and graham cracker, but my favorite was the cranberry balsam - blendables - 'tis the season.
Your son was very mad and I feared for my life. I will never chew anything ever again. I knew I was going to be in the dog house all Christmas, but then Pier1 Imports told him that they would replace all the candles. Now I'm out of the doghouse and your son is no longer mad. He has a funny story to tell instead.
Thanks Pier1 (Lubbock, Texas), for keeping my Christmas spirit alive (literally).